And this is
This is not a normal website. Nor a very good funnel. All ~4012 lines of code live on the
root domain, which is terrible for search engines. And there are f*ck all CTAs, which is terrible for sales.
Do not copy this approach. It is bad.
But I built it this way for a few reasons. Partly, it’s because marketers have forgotten the reason we exist.
It sounds novel at this point, but:
Marketing.
Should.
Make.
More.
Than.
It.
Costs.
Yet somehow, the only people who seem to make (real) money are large agency owners. Selling founders on their own damn dream, then handing off to an overloaded junior. It's lazy.
So I wanted to create something that took the dream-selling out of the equation. But also I wanted to create something fun and beautiful. So it's inspired by two core themes:
Books (hence this obnoxious foreword), because I owe my success in life to knowledge I could afford when I couldn't afford anything.
And glass, because to me, it represents what good marketing should feel like:
Smooth. Transparent. Something that lets a little light in, and helps the world see you.
For a (slightly) less self-important intro...
Depends on what you need. If you need anything at all.
You know, doing the thing. I'll integrate the tracking, build the landing page, and run the ads.
Teaching the thing. You have capacity, but need direction, tools and tutorials. Costs more at the start, but pays for itself quickly.
Specific problems, specific solutions. Best for lower budgets, or for when you just need a love-tap every now and then.
Because sometimes you need a lot of help.
Sometimes you need a little.
And sometimes you just need a nudge in the right direction.
Because instead of selling you the dream, I show you the necessities.
Because if I can tell you in a fifteen minute call that you'd be wasting your cash? I will.
I get to do work that actually works, and I get to be snarky about the dream-sellers. Win win.
Why is bad marketing so dangerous?
And when you're building a business, entropy is already working against you.
Buuuuut what if you could find a little
order with the flick of a switch?
You need systems that work.
You need to scale sustainably.
And you need clarity, in a world that's financially motivated to keep you confused.
Fair. I smack talk agencies for the pitch.
But someone has to.
And I actually
can.
Zero outreach. Zero sales reps. If you're here, it's probably because someone recommended me. I'm excellent at marketing. But I reaaaallllly suck at sales.
If your name is on the invoice, mine is on the work. No VAs. No juniors. This is me protecting my current clients, by protecting my time.
I don't do 'full service'. I do what I'm good at. Strategy, Systems, Growth. If you need a sweet brand deck, I know a team.
Anyway, the Fourth Thing™ is I have spent or signed off on a lot of money on Ads, SEO, CRO, full funnel rebuilds, or custom tooling.
If I can't see a path to profit for [insert dreams] with [insert channel], I'll say so.
I wasn't lying before. My whole sales pitch is that I suck at sales. I can't push an offer I don't believe in. Even if it's something I could invoice for.
Suuuurely I didn't say synergy?
Who have I become?
But, once again, imaginary antagonist, you raise a fair point.
The reason I don't parade around with platforms and systems in neat little boxes, is because I don't want to sell you on an idea you don't need.
For example, look at the below ads.
Then think about what they have in common.
| Item | Qty | Amount |
|---|---|---|
| Spark plugs | 2 | $84.00 |
| Wheel rotation (bc why not) | 1 | $65.00 |
| Paper floor mats (FREE!) | 4 | $0.00 |
| Labour — 4hrs (apprentice only, 1hr job) | 4 | $1,200.00 |
Answer: They are both (questionable) offers for services that 99% of people don't want
bundled, or at all.
Yet, they are feasibly available, to those who do want them.
The problem isn't the service.
It's the all-in-one offer.
Now, your business is obviously not a patient, nor a car.
But I can almost guarantee it is unique.
The way you scale will be unique too.
And until we've met, I have no idea what that looks like.
The point is:
And I don't want you to:
You need to know what I do, and what I don't.
So below are some levers I pull for growth. I call them...
Paid ads managed properly. We'll test creative like a science lab, not an art gallery. Then we assess them against your actual margins, not platform returns or vanity metrics.
Websites and landing pages designed to sell. Offers that make sense to your customers, and your cashflow. Fast, accessible, and persuasive. Anything less is no longer enough.
We start with math. Margins. Your business will live or die on these. Then: Architecture, automations, attribution, custom tech, or dashboards that show profit.
I don't really call them The Stack.™
It's a bit shit.
And I'm supposed to be good at marketing.
Probably get sued by
Hungry Jacks or something too.
But you get the point.
Business growth is
hell if you're operating in prepackaged silos.
Okay but what does that actually look like?
Fair question. Below are real problems I've solved for real businesses.
Not hypotheticals. Not "capabilities." Things that happened.
I build financial models that show profit at the SKU level — not the campaign level, not the platform level, the product level. Cost of goods, shipping, ad spend, transaction fees, operating expenses. The actual math your business lives and dies on.
Example
Showed a client their "best-selling" product was losing $3.12 per unit after real costs. Restructured pricing and bundles to flip it profitable.
Example
Built a 12-month P&L, Cash Flow, and Balance Sheet forecast for a startup pre-launch. Used it to set pricing before spending a cent on ads.
Example
Killed a Black Friday sale strategy because the margin math didn't work. Protected the brand and the bottom line.
Dashboards, automations, custom tools. If you're doing something repetitive, or something that requires five tabs and a prayer, I'll build a system that handles it. Not a Zapier hack. An actual system.
Example
Built a tool that scans inbound quote emails, parses the line items, applies tax rules, and outputs Xero-ready invoices. Saved ~8 hours a week.
Example
Created an SEO research pipeline that runs keyword analysis, detects duplicates via search result overlap, and classifies intent with AI.
Example
Built a content approval app for a real estate agency. Staff approve via mobile, the system posts. Removed me from the loop entirely.
Migrations, tech stack audits, tracking architecture, compliance. The boring stuff that nobody wants to think about until it costs them. I make sure the plumbing works, the data is clean, and you actually own your systems.
Example
Migrated a medical clinic off a third-party booking platform and onto sovereign infrastructure. Gave them back their patient data and brand control.
Example
Audited a Shopify app stack, killed 6 redundant apps, saved $500/month in OpEx. One of the "killed" apps was injecting broken code into the theme.
Example
Designed a privacy-compliant tracking system for a healthcare provider — server-side tagging that scrubs PII before it hits any ad platform.
I've saved clients more money by looking at their shipping, their warehousing, and their staffing than I ever have by tweaking an ad. Most marketers won't touch this stuff. I think that's why it's usually broken.
Example
Found a logistics bottleneck where a client was defaulting to their most expensive shipping tier. Fixed the routing. Saved $7k per month.
Example
Identified a warehousing inefficiency in the same engagement. Restructured the workflow. Saved $17k per month in wages.
Example
That's $24k/month back in the business — before a single ad was touched. The best marketing ROI is sometimes not marketing at all.
Paid ads, SEO, email flows, conversion rate work, content strategy. The difference is I don't sell channels — I sell outcomes. If the numbers say your email list will outperform doubling your ad spend, that's what I'll recommend.
Example
Rebuilt a clinic's entire patient acquisition funnel. Added a triage quiz that filters out unsuitable patients before they book. Reduced no-shows and admin overhead.
Example
Designed a full-site SEO migration plan for a school website rebuild. URL mapping, redirect strategy, gap analysis — zero traffic loss.
Example
Took over a restaurant's ad account from a miserable agency setup. Same $600/month spend as previous months. $67k YoY revenue lift. The ads weren't the problem — the strategy was.
The point isn't that I do all of this for every client.
Some people need the math. Some need the systems. Some need the ads. Some need all of it, in phases, over time.
The difference is I'll tell you which one actually moves the needle — and which ones are just expensive noise.
This really is starting to sound like a pitch, isn't it?
Hang on.
I'll do the
whole trust building thing.
Marketing calls it social proof.
Sophie McGrath
Bed Intentions
"Working with Chris has been one of the best decisions we've made as a brand... He brings both expertise and heart, and we couldn't imagine doing this without him."
Mitch & Dexter
Best At Possums
"We are getting an extra 10+ leads on average per week and we’ve only been working together for 2 months. Communication is second to none."
Chris Henry
River
"Working with Chris is a breath of fresh air. It truly feels like a partnership. We challenge each other on thoughts, ideas, and concepts."
Wanda Chin
Extra Shiny
"It’s rare to find someone who is both technically skilled and genuinely collaborative. Chris is both, and more."
Eren Bulus
Prominent Glass
"Thanks to Chris, I’ve now got a website I’m proud of. One that’s already paid for itself. The whole process felt calm, thoughtful, and incredibly effective."
Andy Brownhill
River Realty
"Chris has that rare mix of insight and grounded thinking that makes progress feel easy. Working with him has been a game changer."
Henry
Stick Owner
"he's okay. idk i don't hate him or anything. he's ok. pretty mid at throwing sticks tho."
Chester
Chester
"HE'S THe BEST. I RLLY LIKE HIM GUYys HES SO nICE"
Your Ideas
Your Business
Your Goals
That email address was it.
And you just... scrolled on past.
No clinical forms trying to suss if your revenue is high enough for anyone to bother.
No
"free website audit" designed to nab your domain.
No downloadable "cheat sheet" to swipe
your email.
No part of this is because I don't want to work with you, or because I'm an asshole who's
confusing arrogance with intentionality.
It's because I want the first touchpoint to feel
useful, honest, and worth your attention.
There are a lot of things I could say of the above tactics, but a decent first way to connect is not what comes to mind.
It's because we've let loud replace useful for far too long. I've seen budgets and businesses, some of them run by people I care about, bleed out through clever decks that hide a copy-paste strategy.
If that's what marketing is,
I don't think I'm here for it.
I'm here for math. For actual returns.
For seeing more businesses succeed, and more
complexity in our geopolitically infantile and exposed economy.
So when you hire me, you get me.
No director theatre. No VA hand-off.
I'd probably make more cash if I scaled and outsourced. And I do like cash. But I'm fortunate enough to not want more of it than I need.
I've spent / recommended a few mil on ads, SEO, CRO, web, and tooling. I know what returns, and what wastes.
If I don't think you'll make more than I invoice, I'll say so.
So if you'd like to work together, flick me an email and let's start with a chat.
It can be as short as "Hi, stalked your site. Can we tee up a meeting?", a full rundown on who you are and what you need help with, or you can just send me a string of emojis.
And if you're just having a stalk, feel free to keep scrolling. Otherwise, sing out.
Yes I am still waiting on my Hugo Award, how did you know?
The air in a crisis has a specific weight. Heavier. Thicker. It has a static charge that raises the hair on your arms.
Most people run from it. They feel the pressure drop and they panic.
But some of us were bred in it. Wired for the voltage. When the noise screams, we get quiet. When the world speeds up, we slow down.
You cannot live in the hum. Not forever. Eventually, the wire cuts you back.
The lost contract. The server crash. The angry email from a man who uses a cartoon avatar.
It feels heavy. It feels absolute. Your brain floods with cortisol, telling you the predator is at the door.
Do the math. Does it kill you? No. Does it take the house? No. Does it stop the sun from coming up? No.
Then it is a rounding error. It costs Zero Billion dollars. Round it down. Go to sleep.
You mistake the noise for speed. The sparks. The heat. The screaming RPMs of a team pulling an all-nighter.
You think the chaos means you are moving. It just means you are grinding.
Physics is unforgiving: Heat is energy leaving the system. It is waste. It is loss.
Torque is silent. It doesn't scream. It doesn't redline. It just pulls. If you can hear the engine, it's already struggling.
We feed it money. We feed it creative. We feed it our best intentions and our worst anxieties.
And then we wait for the oracle to speak.
A green arrow. A red arrow. We ascribe meaning to the noise. We tell ourselves stories about the algorithm's mood.
But it doesn't have a mood. It doesn't care about your "why." It is just a furnace. And you are just the coal.
The natural state of everything is decay.
Leave a campaign alone? It degrades. Leave a process alone? It drifts. Leave a machine alone? It seizes.
We trick ourselves into thinking we are building an empire. We aren't. We are fighting a holding action against entropy.
The rust never sleeps. It is patient. It is inevitable. And it is the most expensive thing on your P&L.
Growth fights gravity. In the beginning, you are small and fast. You break things and it doesn't matter.
But as you scale, the mass increases. The gravity takes hold. Every decision requires more energy. Every turn takes more time.
You aren't imagining it. It is getting harder.
That isn't failure. That is physics.
The industry is a hall of mirrors.
A LinkedIn influencer reads a thread, rewrites it, and sells it as a course. A founder reads the course, implements the tactic, and posts about the results. An agency sees the post, packages it as a service, and pitches it to you.
It is an echo of an echo. A copy of a copy. By the time the signal reaches you, the truth has been distorted into noise.
Close the tab. Go look at your own data.
About
Cool. Well, you've probably gathered my name by this point. But, just to be polite, I'm Chris.
I live in Melbourne with my dogs, Henry and Chester, and my partner, Grace.
Chester thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread. Henry would sell me to satan for more bread. Grace just thinks I should stop feeding them bread.
But to you, I'm just some guy on the internet.
I grew up in the Blue Mountains, left home at 15, and joined the Air Force at 18 because I'd seen The Hurt Locker seven times and wanted to work in bomb disposal.
I did that for the better part of a decade. Saw the middle east and a few other places. Served with some people I still admire to this day, made a handful of mates that are mates for life, and moved across the country too many times.
It taught me how to solve problems under pressure, that there are always other options, and that The Hurt Locker had a lot less paperwork and washing cars and menial rubbish than real life.
But you're not here to read about bomb disposal.
I've spent the last 5 or so years deep in the world of growing businesses.
Paid ads, SEO, CRO, websites, content. You name it.
Anything that makes people tick.
Systems hum.
And
businesses grow.
Okay.
Well, here are some quick thank yous that you certainly don't care about:
To the mentors and open internet that taught me.
To the early clients who trusted me to test, measure, and scale.
To the builders who ship cool things quietly, while everyone else performs.
To the friends and collaborators who sharpened my thinking.
To the tools and teams my business stands on, most of who I'll never know.
And to the patient human at home who keeps me grounded while I build it.
Thank you.
And to you, whether you're a business owner looking for more, someone who just stumbled here, or even a competitor sussing me out:
Keep building.
— Chris
We don't actually sell this.
But you've bought worse, haven't you?
Because marketers love making up words to make things sound more complex than they are.
For those of you who decided 4,000 lines of code was a bit much for a Tuesday.